Stubbornness

HOW TO CORRECT IT IN CHILDREN
Stubbornness is sometimes considered to be a valuable trait in people. On its account a person drives towards his goal and does not give up easily, what ever be the task in hand. But in a growing child this trait when exhibited to his parents, results in conflict, unhappiness and a great deal of waste in energy. Such children are usually considered as non cooperative. This sort of a behavior arises when the parent tries to force the child against his will to do what the parent wants him to do.

It is interesting to note that stubbornness does not arise when you forbid something to the child. Yes, one must make sure that the child has learned that NO and DON’T really means just that. The parents themselves usually end up teaching the child how to be stubborn even before the child is four or five. Many parents who try hardest to prevent it do most to promote it.

There is just one simple principle to prevent stubbornness in a child and promote cooperation instead. “Pain tends to inhibit or prevent; pleasure to promote”. All animals, especially man , tend to do again and again what has brought pleasure and avoid repeating what has brought pain. So as a parent, therefore, make things pleasant when you want the child to do something your way; and painful only the few things you want him never to do again. Parents should limit the negative commands. Give positive suggestions instead.

For example if you want the child to arrange his books or sleep , you request the child to do so. Then you let the child choose and as a parent you will try to set the stage so he will. If you fail to win his cooperation, you have to accept it as it has been a request from you and not a command. By accepting his choice, you are respecting his decision. Always show great satisfaction over his cooperation, making it pleasant so he will be ready to cooperate the next time.
Once you start punishing the child for disobedience, you start connecting in his mind pain with a request. The more he thinks this way, the less he cooperates with your request.

Always remember -
Whether you command or request , be sure first that the request is simple in the beginning where you know, he would love to do that job.
If you are sure you should make a positive command (not to be confused with positive suggestions) and therefore administer punishment for failure to obey, punish him only IF HE DOES NOT OBEY…not UNTIL HE OBEYS.