FEARS –HOW TO HELP THE CHILD DEAL WITH IT

Fear is in an inborn tendency. And any special fear, which the child has, is learned only through experience. For the child the world is full of things, which he does not understand. The child may have fear of the dark, of thunder, an animal or even something as common as water. When very young, the infant shows catchiness of breath and throws out his arms and this is a response he shows to shocks. We as parents need to play our part, we need to protect the growing child from fears and most importantly, a parent’s job is to help the child learn constructive ways to cope with and conquer those fears.

Now how do we prevent fears?

We all know that there are certain fears that may begin in a child in a second and last for days, weeks or months. These fears may arise in the young child from shock or surprise and usually leaves him insecure.

As parents, we can help by not exposing the child to frightful stories movies or talks. Parents should never use fear appeal to control the child or just to see him frightened.

It may not be possible for us to entirely keep the child from being exposed to new and strange persons, situations and other living creatures. Yet we might help by being a good shock absorber for their fears.

The excitable nervous child is most disposed to fears. He needs to be protected from emotional strain and excitement in a happy family atmosphere. The family should be peaceful and serene when dealing with different matters.

Avoid unnecessary, loud shrill or sudden noises near the infant and young child

Be near the youngster when such frightening situation is likely to arise and remember that you as a parent need to exercise complete calm and self-control.

See that strange persons keep at a distance comfortable to the baby or young child.

Don’t allow anyone to smile or laugh at or talk about the child’s fear. Meet your child’s fear sympathetically in a matter of fact way.

It’s very easy and we see many parents do this -- “Eat your food or the police man will put you in jail”. To control your child never refer to the policeman, doctor or watchman. Nor should you mention things like putting him in a dark room or bathroom.

Don’t talk about your fears in front of your child.

If your child is scared of animals don’t drag the child to a dog or cat to reassure him. The more you pull the child, the more you make him feel he has to pull in the opposite directions. Allow him to get over his fear himself.

Some children may overcome their fears by playing games about it. Allow them to do so. It will be of great help to them.

Most of all provide ample affection for the child in every reasonable way.

By Ms Hema Sridhar

Teach your child how to handle money

If you give your child his own money to spend he may gain an excellent education in the use of money and its value. Sometimes parent can help the child to earn money at home. The child can be paid for helping about during the holidays at home or at a friend’s place. Now you may have this doubt.. ‘ if I pay my own child for jobs done at home, will he be likely then to volunteer to help in many other jobs he’s not paid for? Well, don’t make it a habit to pay him every time but only on specific occasions.

As soon as the child gets money to spend, let him spend the money about, as he likes. Offer suggestions now and then if the child accepts them, but never correct him. Assume that the money you have given him is “his”. Don’t include the money given by grandparents or relatives in this. If possible dissuade your relatives to give such monitory gifts; only then will your child learn how to value his money.

Encourage your child to save money. You can induce the child to save the money of one week, and if he saves that without spending tell him that you will slightly raise the amount the next week. This can help him plan and buy something he desires and he also learns that he has given up something now, for something better later.

Please note that the amount you give your child should be increased gradually as he enters high school and his needs increase. Some parents interpret pocket money to be nothing more than money to spend for luxury, regardless of the child’s age. Real pocket money includes regular money for specific necessities as well as for luxuries.

Slowly educate your child to keep itemized account for his expenditure. A few years later, he will know how he used the money and this will help him to handle money in future.

By Ms Hema Sridhar

What is the difference between teaching and educating?

Teaching a child can be said as instructing a child in a certain area. Educating a child is helping him develop mentally, morally, physically and socially. Teaching is just a part of this. You can teach a child how to wash his hands before eating. But you need to educate him and explain to him the reason for washing his hands. It is therefore necessary for the teacher to educate a child before he/she starts teaching the child.

For a young three or four year old child, going to school is an enormous step. The child may never have been away from his mother for such a length of time. He may have had very little contact with children of his own age. But once he starts schooling he needs to become socialised in a new environment. This means that he needs to know

1. the dos and don'ts of getting on with others in the school

2. how to be accepted by others and how to accept them

3 how to gradually become independent while taking part in a group that is much bigger and wider than his immediate family circle.

Now it is the teacher’s responsibility to help the pupils develop all the above and help them learn it. A teacher plays a very important role in setting the base for the years to come. Here are some points that a teacher needs to remember

enjoy the young pupils

be as relaxed as possible

be firm and consistent with them.

FATHERS, LOVINGLY YOURS - YOUR CHILD

Well, most of us commonly see that fathers seem to have this idea that they have fulfilled their responsibility to their kids in having found a good mother for them. Yes, we all are aware that fathers are so encumbered with trying to make a good living for their children. They need to provide them and their mothers a good and comfortable life. By what we leave in material substance will perish by and by. Have you as fathers, found time to live with them?

The day–by-day and year-by- year companionship with your children will live on and on in them. So much so that we can still recall our loving moments with our children and even our grandchildren. Trying going to your own past, and recall the moments with your parents and grandparents. Are you giving such fine moment to your children?

Its best to remember that in everyday guidance of our children, both parents are equally necessary if these children are to develop best and it is very important that they plan together as a team when it comes to their children’s needs.

In this busy life, it’s a known fact that some fathers, unfortunately, because of the nature of their work, cannot spend nearly so much time with their growing children as they would like to spend. It should be noted that it is NOT the amount of time that counts, but the way the time available is spent and the relationship of the father to the children during this precious time.

Try to spend a reasonable amount of leisure time with your children. Include the mother too in this. As you and she enjoy each other’s company, plan maters concerning the needs of the home, the expenditure, etc in bringing up the children. This way you would have laid a healthy foundation for cultivating a cooperative family life.

To be a good father is to be a good husband. You cannot possibly cultivate a good relation with your children without also cultivating a good relation with their mother. See to it that you give their mother due regard for her as a person and observe towards her the niceties of social grace making her feel that what she does for the family is worthwhile.

You and your wife, should talk over your individual ideas about guidance of the children, when the children are not present. If you feel that she is too lenient with the youngsters and you might want her to be stricter. Then relax and be careful not to criticize her in the children’s presence. Talk this out with her.

When your child is a baby, learn to share in his physical care, keeping him for short periods while the mother gets her relaxation. When you come home from your work, you may be tired but remember, so may the mother. All day with one or several young children is a severe strain on the nerves. You can choose this time reading to your child, listening to his experiences of the day, answering his questions, enjoying his creations and inventions, making things with him, or planning a game with his friends on weekends.

Its is quite possible for you to find these experiences with your child a means of relaxation and enjoyment rather than a burden. It all depends on your point of view and the values you place on such relationships.

The father who can play cricket for the boys or toys with the girls sets the stage for vigorous group play in the neighbourhood and also renders invaluable service. It is a great art to be sympathetic, understanding, attentive to what the child tells you at different stages of his life. He will definitely talk about his experiences, joys or sorrows. It might seem too trivial for you to hear this out but it is of great importance to him. Don’t try to make fun of anything he asks or says, but instead treat him with deep regard as a person. And continually make him feel, “My Dad understands.”

When treated this way, the child will naturally ask you about any matter, which deeply concerns him. This is especially important during adolescence and during his youth. He will have the confidence to come to you for information and advice at any time. Try to help your children enjoy achievement within the range of his ability. Find out what he can do well at home, at school or on the play ground. If he is slow at books and better in doing things with his hands, help him out. See to it that he finds ways to be happy with other children of his age. Build on his successes. When he lags at school, don’t dwell on his failures. Help him to cultivate regular habits and for this see to it that you have regular habits as a parent.

Finally the more good times you and your children and your family can have together, the more they will want to follow your ideals. Have fun fathers…spend valuable time with your family !

MsHema Sridhar

QUARRELING BY CHILDREN

Fighting by two children or more is a normal phenomenon. Unless there is serious danger to any child’s life and limb or there is any property destruction, it is best to leave the children alone. If as a parent, you can stand it no longer, separate them for some time without attempting to blame them. And remember, the worst thing you can do when two children are quarreling is to go and try to find out who started it.

At home fighting usually arises with young children over property rights, like whose playthings it is and whose place to sleep. It is better for each child to have his own things. Some play items can be kept common and the children can take turns. As a parent we must see to it that the younger child be trained to respect the older one, and not to appropriate the things of the older child.

Don’t duplicate toys. Let one have a truck and the other a car. Then the two of them may have to exchange or cooperate.

When it comes to some other child visiting your home, the principle of individual ownership is hard to apply. Let your child, on arrival of another child who is likely to be destructive, put away his most precious things. Have on hand a few sturdy toys, which your child can share with his friend. This way both the children can enjoy and there is no fear of the toy breaking. If your child shares his toys, do appreciate him.

Quarrelling on the playground is better if left to the children to settle themselves. If parents go out to defend their child, other children will take offence. Let your child retreat if he cannot defend himself. Train him early never to fight with sticks or stones. Your child may be quarrelsome when he is behind or lags in play skills. The more of correction then must be with the parents. The parents should introduce the child to the play skills where he lags.

Sometimes a child may pick a fight by calling other children ugly names. Such a child may also use these names before the parents and the parents should correct him immediately. There are some parents who themselves set a bad example in this direction.

We, as parents, should build up ideals and habits in child for peaceful play with his friends. And to achieve this, as parents we should practice these good behavior towards other people in his presence. The parent needs to cultivate a happy relationship with all the parents and their children of the neighborhood.

By Hema Sridhar

PRAISE IS BETTER THAN BLAME

Do you as a parent celebrate your child’s successes? It’s a well known fact that all of us gain a lot from our successes than from our failures. The same goes for our children too. Then why is it that a parent finds it easier to blame a child than praise him?

As a parent we assume that if we do not restrain our child then the child is spoilt. But mere restrains are futile.There must be enough outlets of satisfying activity that are approved by us. For every single thing a parent forbids the child, there should be scores of other things we allow and encourage. Otherwise, our children may grow irritable and resistant.

How do we know that our method to discipline the child has been effective?

Even after being punished or rebuked for a forbidden behavior, the child turns happily to some approved activity…then yes, our method to discipline has been

effective. And the more approved things children do with pleasure, the less prone they are to do what is not approved.

Children at the age of six, ten, sixteen are usually discouraged in various experiences at school, among friends, or because of parents. When one wish after another is denied to them, we should as parents, try hard to find hopeful, positive ways of helping him or her to get emotional relief through other outlets which bring the child satisfaction.

So provide your child a lot of hopeful and positive outlets. Imagine how happy your child is going to feel when he discovers that there are a pair of understanding wise and sympathetic parents, who give him encouragement when all the world seems to be hostile.

To achieve cooperation from your children be sure to praise him or her a lot. The mother may compliment her young daughter on her lovely conduct during a party or at her friends house. A father may express delight at breakfast table over the way their son has been getting ready for school promptly, or for helping with the house cleaning chore.

Always remember never to mention the bad behavior of the child, only the good behavior should be picked out for comment. When you hear any nice things about them at school, be sure to mention it to your child. Now surely you may ask this question “won't it make my child conceited when praised so much?” It will…only if we praise them for traits not won by their own efforts..like beautiful face or lovely skin”. Rather, we should pick out praise specific instances of good conduct, in which the child has done with effort what we consider meritorious.

Build your children on their strengths rather than on their weaknesses.

And blessed are those children whose parents, and those who guide them, celebrate their successes.

Ms Hema

IS YOUR CHILD “THE GIFTED CHILD?”

The first obligation of the parents who think their child is gifted is to inquire, “how can I find out if my child is gifted? What are the characteristics of the gifted child?”

The following checklist is a rough indication of what you may want to look out for after your child is born up to 2 years of age -

· Ability to recognize faces early (within a few months after birth).

· Early expressions like smiling.

· Unusual alertness.

· Early interest in looking at books like turning pages of books before 1 year of age and paying attention when read to within 6 months.

· Unusually active and high levels of energy.

· Playing with toys like shape sorters by 11 or 12 months.

· Ability to form two word phrases by 14 months.

· Ability to understand instructions given by you by 18 months.

· Ability to say and understand many words before 18 months.

· Could stay still and watch his or her favourite TV programme.

· Appears to require less sleep (yet not sleepy or irritable due to lack of sleep).

· Recognition of letters/alphabets by age one and a half.

· Recognition and rote counting of numbers 1 – 10 or higher by age 2.

· Recognition of colours by age 2.

· Recognition of first word by age 2.

· Interest in puzzles by age 2.

· Has long attention span in interest areas by age 2.

· Ability to form at least 3-word sentence by age 2.

· Knowledge about calendars and clocks by age 3.

· Demonstration of unusual competency in drawing, painting, singing and other such abilities.

· And most of all, an early interest in reading and a liking for books.

The gifted child’s superiority in language development is very high . he has an early acquisition of skill in reading which is remarkable. Most of such children learn to read before they enter school . Vocabulary development too is extraordinary.

This child has a vivid imagination and this includes having imaginary friends .The child is extremely curious and asks many questions about things and events they have observed,. It is important that parents try to answer their questions patiently and appropriately, or help them find answers. Reading aloud to them is highly desirable, be sure to provide picture book, and provide reading material for the very young gifted child. Later encourage him to use public libraries around your area.

It should be taken into account that a child gets an opportunity to do the above. Gifted children have special need, for intellectual stimulation and challenging experience. Parents should stimulate the gifted child’s development . trips and excursions , followed by discussions , will help. Workshops for such children will be of great value. Guidance should be given so that TV will not consume too much of the child’s leisure time..

The above checklist is at best regarded as a rough guide and bear in mind that not all of the skills and age guide mentioned is absolute. Some children may demonstrate these abilities at a younger age and some may be older and yet classified as advanced learners. However, this can be a good guide to look out for signs of early advanced development in children and provide the necessary platform for them to flourish.

You , as a parent or as a teacher has an inbuilt ability to recognize if your child is gifted. Provide him a favorable environment, affection, physical well being and security ….and see him blossom.

By Ms HemaSridhar